Adverts That Blow 10: Torture Yoghurt & Rocky Horror

Adverts that Blow 10: Torture Yoghurt & Rocky Horror

In the world of Adverts that blow, things continue to amaze and confuse me. Such examples of these include how some of the people in these adverts can’t help but put themselves through the shit for your entertainment. On some occasions these can’t be helped, as the product/concept/whatever they’re advertising is out of reach and stopping whatever they’re doing at this moment in time isn’t an option. But there are ones that slip through the net of logic and makes me wonder. And you wonder too. Don’t lie to me and more importantly yourselves.

I give you Perle-de-lait, a nice tasting yoghurt apparently. But it starts off with the main character Lady Whatever not enjoying whatever yoghurt she’s eating.


Complete with some accompanying commentary to explain because you wouldn’t have understood the visual medium alone:

“I used to eat extremely sour yoghurts. And you could see I wasn’t happy about it”

Get away!? With a face like that?

Which then begs the almighty question: Why the FUCK are you still eating it?! Go down the supermarket and grab some Munch Bunch (Tiny but awesomely tasting little products they are) instead of putting yourself through this sour crap. It’s not looking good for you and it makes you look unattractive. Compared to the vision she becomes after she “discovers” Perle-de-lait. Just the kind of woman you’d like to introduce your own brand of yoghurt to.

Now we’re talking. Same woman or not, we need more tasty lasses like this inbetween programmes.

Then she really shows how she loves licking the white load. You almost wish this could solve many problems women have these days. Time of the month? Add some Perle-de-lait for Instant happiness. Genius.


Next up are two of the many adverts you see for Glade air fresheners these days. No matter what the aroma is, the moment it is released you have to stand still and take a deep whiff of it. Then walk off suddenly feeling amazing and optimistic about life. The latest campaign has thankfully moved away from the toilet and into the living room area, where smells aren’t that prominent but a fresh atmosphere is preferable. Both of the adverts I’m about to discuss feature this (not bad looking) woman who can’t help but have Glade everywhere, which the manufacturers have decided need to have an appearance you wouldn’t find out of place in a cave in the stone age.

Advert One: Redhead is showing off her collection of precious stones (not to be confused with actual precious stones like Diamond, Sapphire etc.) plain looking rocks. Rattling off the names of the places she got them from, a rock from Spain and oooh a pretty white rock from Greece:

“That’s beautiful.”

No. It’s a fucking rock.

The other friend asks about the last rock. The location?

“The supermarket.”

The friends can’t help but laugh at this. Oh Redhead you joking bitch.

Surely she’s not serious? Oh but she is.

Let’s have a nice sniff.


Glade have listened to the masses that house women want their shelves to resemble a rockery inside their homes and delivered. I haven’t done any proper research due to my laziness but I haven’t come across anyone who wants a Glade air freshener looking like a giant rock. Anyone know someone who did/does? Answers on a postcard please. The advert finishes on a dynamite pretentious note from Redhead:

“And it’s from Glade you know!”

So fucking what?

I wouldn’t hesitate to backhand Redhead for being so smug if she wasn’t attractive. Curse me for being a fool for nice looking women.

Advert Two: Redhead has turned her attention to a shelf and exchanged some ornaments for more stoney looking shit.


Fuck! The Glade air freshener looks out of place. Glade’s design team to the rescue!

“If you could design your own air freshener, it would probably look like this.”

Not a fucking chance in hell.

“Now That looks better.”

Not really. Maybe a bit more unified but still looks like random crap on a shelf/on top of some drawers or something.

Husband walks in. The motion sensor activates and the Glade magic is released.

“Christ I’ve got a right hard on.”

She looks at him, she knows what he’s thinking and where this aroma will lead.

“Get your arse upstairs and I’m going to ride you like never before!”

The sneaky kinky bitch.

This might not be a bad idea... If Glade can turn people into sex crazed loons, this could be utilized by the porn industry to save time. None of the weird teacher/student shit. Two people walk into a room; one activates the Glade – job done. They’re all over each other and right into the pounding action.