Adverts That Blow 6 – I often get asked fuck all.
I apologize for the lack of input over *checks* Christ... Almost a year. I’ve returned on inspiration from an old friend. He knows who he is. Many thanks. Gringo Mike may return sometime. No doubt it would involve some plug for his YouTube series Comedy Rainbow. And his new venture “ReZourceman Daily” which is less formally known as “Comedy Rainbow Lite” ;) . Anyway, enough random bullshit. Back to business.
I have missed many an opportunity to entertain you with my words about how shit commercials have been since November. Many adverts I’ve been noticing popping up more regularly are beauty products. As many more people are becoming ugly quicker, artificial measures must be taken. This might be due to such advances in medicine that have given us longer life spans. The invention of anti-aging products was born because people would like to live longer but not look it. You can’t have it both ways children. You’re going to get old, you’re going to wrinkle up and you’ll bloody well enjoy it. To begin with: here is Fiona Phillips, former GMTV presenter and now apparently one of the new “faces” of Olay anti-aging crap. Here is one quote I love:
"These days I'm often asked if cheaper anti-aging products are a smart way to save money"
Bullshit. She has never been asked that. Fiona claims her reply is along the lines of “Maybe, but I prefer the higher priced shit. Buy Olay. And love the skin you’re in.”
This is how the conversation would’ve gone:
Fiona: Hello Claire
Claire: Hi Fiona. I have a question.
Fiona: By all means, ask away.
Claire: Are cheaper anti-aging products are a smart way to save money?
Fiona: Are you calling me a penny pinching wrinkly old hag?
Claire: I guess I am.
Then there will be some cat fighting action. And if she’s often asked that, then you’d think she would be some form of wrestling champion by now, leaving a string of dead bodies in her wake. How dare they imply she is a wrinkly bitch who buys cheap anti-aging products? She’s a wrinkly bitch who buys the expensive ones. Even then it doesn’t anti your age. It – as they so rightly claim – helps decrease the appearance of wrinkles. They’re still there, you’re just too much of a coward to look your normal self. Almost like if you were going to fill a crack in your wall, except less permanent. Still, I guess it’s better than looking like an orange whore with fake tan.
An advert which I have received some speculation over is one of the “latest technologies” in spot removal Clearasil has to offer. Dubbed “The Science of Looking Awesome” even brings the youngest teenager to hyper-cringe mode. Moving on. What seems to be the potential problem here is that the offending spot in question could actually be a mole or something similar. I say one spot, because they only come in one-at-a-time in these adverts. They don’t appear all over your face like in the real world. In the world of Clearasil they bring their power together to appear as one offending mark, usually on your cheek. Judge for yourself.
Check me out. I’m a happy-go-lucky guy!
I must apologise for the poor quality of these images. They are from the only video of this ad that I could find.
Zoom in and see my face. I can’t out looking like a complete tool like this!
Check this big brown mole style looking spot out. This must be a new breed because in all my years when I was victim to acne and seeing other victims I never came across something so unspotlike.
Let’s rub some of this shit on.
Tick Tock Clock...
BAM! I feel more confident.
I can’t imagine why. The cream has done nothing. I know it may appear that way in the images, but trust me it hasn’t faded at all. “Four hours” later and it has done jack shit... This, my friends is the Science of Looking Awesome. Paying (most likely) an extortionate amount for some cream which doesn’t help your spotty condition in the slightest. But then this brings us back to the initial point. Spot or Mole? What you think Gringo Followers? Have you been inflicted with this strain of spot? Answers on a postcard please.
